New edit of an old shot, some pretty snowdrops in my Dad’s garden. At this point I find myself happily thinking ahead, making plans again and dreaming about the future. When I start planning I know that I’m feeling myself again. I love to dream about the things I can do, places I want to travel to and goals I want to reach, but depression takes a lot of that away from you. It kills any ability to consider the next few days never mind the next year or two. It also robs you of motivation, the desire to do anything. I spent many evenings lying in bed, fully clothed, on the edge of sleep; mindlessly browsing the Internet or attempting to watch TV shows. Focus was utterly gone, what I was really doing was lying there waiting for enough time to pass so that I could go to sleep for the night. I hated it, but at the same time I knew I needed to just sink into it for a while.
Now that I’ve slowly pieced myself back together, I feel like I can finally make a start on living the full life I’ve always wanted to live. No one to take it away from me, make fun of it or fake it. I won’t make the mistake of allowing anyone to do that ever again. It’s wonderful to feel free like this, weaving the life I want from small daily plans, from moisturising my face at night to sitting in meditation after I wake. All these tiny steps of self care that fill our days, knowing that each one adds either adds to the future or builds upon a healthy, whole and happy life.
I feel like a snowdrop learning to bloom as winter’s grip begins to ease.